Being confident at workplace and your personal life
I came across a post while scrolling through social media. I am not sure if this applies only to women or a larger group. What I do know is that I am guilty as charged!
Often times I find myself adding a safety net to my work emails and personal messages lest people perceive me to be ‘bossy’, ‘rude’, ‘impolite’ etc. On the other hand, I also struggle to keep my messages concise, crisp and matter-of-factly. I decided to take charge of my predicament and adopted a few changes. All in an attempt to be assertive!
Here’s a list of the things I tried with reasonable success:
1. Stop being overly apologetic:
I try to avoid phrases such as “Sorry, just to be clear, is this what you mean?” or “Sorry, I am not free tomorrow”. I consciously make an effort to replace these with “Do you mean to say..” or “Unfortunately I have other commitments tomorrow, are you available later this week?”
It’s easy to be classified as a serial apologist, especially in a work scenario. The downside being that at some point, people are going to doubt if you’re really sorry or not!
2. Steer conversations as required:
My work requires me to have several meetings, discussions and workshops. I also need to interact with various people depending on what projects I am working on. And these people are not my colleagues or team members. So at the outset of our meetings, I clearly explain the objective of the meeting, specifying where I require their inputs or if some information is just background knowledge etc. I also acknowledge that I have a “hard stop” if I sense I have a babbling brook seated opposite me! Everyone’s time is valuable. Schedule meetings with a reasonable duration. If you think it needs a couple of hours either set up two slots or be in your meeting invitation
3. Be accommodating but do not be a door mat:
I have a friend who only calls when the time is convenient for that individual. There’s often little to no regard for my schedule
I have acquaintances who get in touch (quite unabashedly) only when they need my help
I have had colleagues who pressurise me to give them something because they agreed on a deadline or target without consulting with me
I’m sure we’ve all come across these people in our lives, the list could go on..
I used to find it challenging to say a ‘no’ or express my dissatisfaction when I was faced with situations such as the above. I soon realised people were taking me for a ride because they thought I have no problem with this sort of behaviour! I’ve since started communicating a bit more (still working on it) openly by stating how I feel. Although it’s not always easy for me to do so, I’ve found that people respect those boundaries because I’ve finally established some! You cannot expect people to honour something that does not exist 🙂
4. Consciously practise saying ‘no’:
Okay, this might sound a bit strange but for someone like me who finds it nerve wracking to say no to people, this is a must do exercise. I was told once during my performance appraisal that I should learn to say no instead of feeling obliged to take on all the tasks being shoved my way. I was also told that taking on more work was affecting my ability to meet timelines. In summary, if I were to continue that path, it wouldn’t be long before I started churning out subpar quality work. Having said that I practise this with certain degree of caution. For example, not saying no to the same person multiple times in a row, negotiating and offering an alternate solution along with my ‘no’
5. Confide in people who can be trusted:
Whenever I feel I am backsliding on this whole ‘new me’ persona, I confide in people I trust the most. I’ve found that talking it out and getting re-assured that I am doing the right thing has helped. It’s not easy to be confident at your workplace without exercising it in your personal life.
6. Leave emotional baggage behind:
In the past people may have exploited the niceness extended to them. Perhaps we had bad bosses who were tyrants, micromanaging us and squeezing every inch of confidence out of us. Holding on to such unpleasant experiences just adds to the bitterness and serves as a major roadblock in moving ahead.
7. Acknowledge it’s impossible to keep everyone happy
I once read somewhere that you can’t keep everyone happy unless you are pizza. I guess it’s funny and true! Trying to keep everyone happy may either result in being at odds with our moral compasses or deprives us of our own happiness. So it’s ok to disappoint that friend, colleague or family now and then – if people are being unreasonable, there is no reason why you should put up with it! Encouraging such behaviour only signals your implicit agreement and it becomes harder to wean off that kind of behaviour over a period of time.
